Home > Karate, Martial Arts, Random Thoughts > Would You Like Fries With That Black Belt

Would You Like Fries With That Black Belt


I was bored and just surfing the internet and came up with these. Some are funny, and meant to be, some are, sadly, serious. If you are training right now or thinking about it you might want to print these off and avoid these things in a school. If not, have fun with them!

The Black Belts haven’t reached puberty yet and they can rent out the dojo for birthday parties.

Your instructor tries to flirt with your girlfriend when she attempts to visit you at the dojo.

Your instructor is having an affair with one of his students.

Your instructor gives a speech during class about how his art is superior to all other martial arts.

Your instructor won’t allow you to compete in a tournament because his techniques are too deadly and you’d actually kill or seriously injure anyone you competed against.

You attend a Chinese Kung Fu School that uses the Japanese Belt Ranking System.

You attend a Hapkido School, but all the grappling elements have been curiously eliminated from the training.

Your instructor places an embargo on his students equipment purchases. You will be reprimanded for bringing in gear and Gi’s purchases outside the Mcdojo.

While sparring your instructor complains that you’re not being aggressive enough. Then, when you become more aggressive your instructor complains that your being too aggessive.

Your instructor names his style after himself. For example Joe Son Do, Dux Ryu, Rex Kwon Do.

Look at all these 7 year old Black Belts running around. This place is a Mcdojo.

Your instructor has a mullet.

Your instructor drives a Thunderbird or a Camaro.

You can get a Black Belt in less than 2 years.

Your instructor is overweight.

Your instructor claims to have secret techniques that he can only reveal to you once you’ve received your black belt.

They claim to offer MMA training, but the instructor has never had a single professional fight.

You can earn a new colored belt every 1-3 months. Hence, the term “belt factory.”

Your instructor claims he can kill a man with his bare hands…he works at Wal Mart and dealing with angry 85 year old ladies is his only “combat” experience.

The students seem to be more interested in putting on a fashion show than learning martial arts.

Your instructor claims to be a “10 Time World Karate Champ” but there is no information anywhere to prove it.

Everyone seems to be obsessed with what current action movie stars are doing and when you mention a professional MMA fighters name they give you blank stares.

Johnny got his Black Belt in 1 year. I bet he attends a McDojo..

Your instructor has a Grandmasters Certificate. In Crayon.

The Senior Assistant Instructor is a 4 year old black belt.

The sign in the window says the school trains in more than 10 martial arts.

The school uses programs outside of what it teaches for self-defense.

Your instructor tries to sell you Amway products.

Your instructor has 3 other “businesses”.

While examining the schools tournament trophies, you find 3 for spelling bees.

Reading the contract for the school is considered a kata (and a long one at that).

No one sweats.

While at a tournament, your opponent finds out who your teacher is and high-fives his teacher.

When paying for your belt examinations, the instructor asks: “Do you want fries with that?”

Johnny paid $500 and got his black belt in 5 months. He must be at a McDojo

In all seriousness, here is a great write on what a McDojo really is

http://www.amam-magazine.com/mcdojo.html

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  1. April 12, 2012 at 2:19 pm

    I enjoyed this post SO MUCH. This McDoJo concept is far too accurate a picture of a lot of teacher training programs in our nation’s colleges and universities, unfortunately.

  2. April 12, 2012 at 2:54 pm

    It is sad to say that even though some of those were meant (I think) to be funny, there are quite a few of them that are true. I know. I have saw them first-hand.

  3. April 12, 2012 at 5:00 pm

    “Your instructor claims he can kill a man with his bare hands…he works at Wal Mart and dealing with angry 85 year old ladies is his only “combat” experience.”….lol My favorite 🙂

  4. April 14, 2012 at 5:06 am

    Tiger Schulman’s karate places are so highly commercialized they’re McJodo’s or whatever you’ve said. I hated it manipulative asses that they are.

  5. April 17, 2012 at 7:49 pm

    okay..I know this was a serious post but when I read this I laughed out loud

    “Your instructor has a Grandmasters Certificate. In Crayon.”

    I agree fully, I went to a studio in town to work out with a fellow officer and what I saw made me sqirm, kids running around playing star wars and the adults talking about the game on TV, It was all I could do to get a work out and wound up leaving, scoffing the place and of course then they wanted to challenge me and that is not what martial arts is all about, the way studios down graded from the discipline of the true dojo made me want to cry. great post.

    Art~

    • April 18, 2012 at 2:57 pm

      Another sign a lot like what you witnessed, Art, is so many people (kids and adults) crammed in the studio that no one can possibly do a form or work out.

  6. Drew
    April 20, 2012 at 5:49 am

    The best one I had was seeing a photo of the Head instructor with some monks in China at a Shaolin Temple and remarking that I had that photo too. They offer them when you visit, its extra money for the few monks still living there, and while his was a serious meditating pose mine was all of us giving a thumbs up at the camera.

    Also it was Japan not China, but they studied kung-fu.

    I didnt know it when I showed them my pictures on my ipod but the Head instructor claimed he was at a private temple learning from Shaolin Masters. It was obvious that him and I had been in he same place.

    Had I known I would have kept it to myself.

  7. Davy
    January 28, 2016 at 8:28 am

    This was hilarious, sad and true. Have seen most of these in real experience.

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